QUICK! Someone hand me a microphone ’cause I’m about to get all Gloria Gaylord up in here with “I will survive! I will survive! Hey, heyyyy!”
I’m not going to lie… it’s been a tough few months for me what with life experiences and all. And to top it all off, I was getting a lot of input on what I should be doing, what I should be avoiding, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, what others need from me, what others expect from me, when to do what, how to do what, when and how to do what. Everyone that knows me knows I thrive on structure, I appreciate order, and I’ll be the first to admit: I am not resilient to change or chaos. So when my world starts getting outta-control-crazy, with a lot of input from others that have NO idea what I’m going through, I turn into one of those perfect personalities that would qualify for a Rorschach! Needless to say, I had to call a “TIME OUT!” I had to ruthlessly edit my life not just of things bringing me down, but also of things not bringing me up.
And for a while there, I HAD to edit out blogging. Because, let’s be honest, I suck at blogging during times of peril. And, really, who would want to read a depressing blog about “blah blah blah, me me me, sad sad sad, whine whine whine.” I think the peak of my stress was around the time I was 100% convinced I would be seeing my dad for the last time. He lives 6,627 miles away on the island of Guam and we see each other once every 7-10 years. And he’s sick. Not like *cough cough* sick with a cold but sick like diabetes, clogged arteries, and masses found in his gastrointestinal tract.
This is the look of a girl who just picked herself up off the bathroom floor (after experiencing her first full blown panic attack) to hug her dad goodbye for possibly the last time before she is rushed to the airport:
Hurt, anger, guilt, fear, sadness, with maybe a dash of depression… I was dealing with it all while simultaneously balancing a new job, a marriage, and a psycho rescue dog. And the guilt! Ohh, the guilt I carried with me back home was just awful. The fact that I know all this health and wellness and fitness info but didn’t help my dad in time was genuinely heart wrenching. Between that and all the other things I was balancing in my life, I was SO STRESSED that I actually experienced alopecia areata – in other words I GOT A BALD SPOT! But as indicated by the newly grown 3″ of hair sprouts sticking up, I’m back on the up and up. I write this not for pity but as my way of saying, “If you’re experiencing monumental life stressors, take some time for YOURSELF.” Know that this period of stress will offer a good frame of reference for future occurrences. Know that, at the end of it all, you’ll realize strengths you never knew you had.
(And know that it’s totally okay if you get derailed off your workout routine ’cause your trusty barbell will be waiting right where you left it. And as “I Will Survive” blasts through the iPod speakers, you’ll realize that life is like a loaded barbell – you pick it up, it drops back down, you pick it up again. Getting stronger every day!)